Okay, this time I've been absent because Spike and I adopted a furry little buddy of the canine variety, and I've been preoccupied with her. (I've also spent literally hours outside trying to get her to, well, go...but that's another story. And I'll probably post about her later.)
As I suspect is the case for most military spouses, I'm a fan of Spike's branch of service on Facebook. And today, the Army posted the video below. The description (a mother reads a letter to her daughter, assuming that the daughter grows up to marry a soldier) sounded kind of cheesy, and I almost didn't watch it. I'm very glad I did. Sarah Hertig perfectly articulates a lot of the things I've felt and struggled with in the relatively short time I've known Spike. Just as reading other blogs does, watching this video made me feel a little stronger because it showed me that I'm not crazy to feel what I do.
I especially liked what Mrs. Hertig had to say from the 11-minute mark on. She really captures what it's like to be so proud of your spouse that you think you'll burst, yet feel that you'd give anything to keep him out of harm's way forever. It was also refreshing to hear her acknowledge that sometimes a loved one's willingness (even eagerness) to deploy and fight for America can make you wonder whether he loves his job and country more than you (even though you know instinctively that such a question is ludicrous). As she says, sometimes you just won't understand, and sometimes the Army won't take into account that your spouse has a family, and you'll be mightily tempted to walk away from it all--but the pride you feel will give you the strength to keep going. After all, you love your husband (or wife) as much as you do because of his honor and commitment, and because he does what he does to give you a secure world. That doesn't mean it's easy. But he's worth it.
I suppose I've been preoccupied with these types of topics recently because Spike's one year of dwell time after his last deployment is pretty much over. I'm very fortunate, I know, because he doesn't have orders to deploy in the foreseeable future. Which means he's here with me for the foreseeable future. But due to the nature of his current position (without going into detail), it's also possible that he could be pulled to plug a hole for a unit that's going downrange. In some ways, I think that's worse--it would be better to have a concrete date for the next deployment. Because now, even though it's not very likely, I worry: will he be here two months from now? Three? He doesn't know for sure, and neither do I. I guess that's the military.
Ooops, rambling...here's the video!